14 April 2020

Haven’t left the house since Saturday. Didn’t walk Sunday after the marathon open house, didn’t walk yesterday. The fear and fuss of going outside and time consuming shower when returning. But I must go out today. Told myself to wake and go for an early walk for a change but that has yet to happen. First ever video date yesterday. Sweet guy–but I felt I was carrying the conversation. Shy. Wittier in writing than in person. Or rather on video since we won’t be meeting in person for some weeks if at all.

12 April 2020

I was going to wear my nice Easter clothes to deliver the cookies to my neighbours today but realized I don’t want them contaminated so I’ll do it in the yoga pants I’ve been wearing out walking the last couple of days. My shoulders & arms hurt from so much baking & cooking: grating and stirring. But clearly not enough physical exertion to help me sleep.

11 April 2020

Might need to make a double batch of Neighbour Cookies–18 takers so far and I want to make sure they all get a decent amount! The Highway remains inexplicably busy outside. Perhaps the traffic has eased but the noise has barely abated at all. The first night after the stay at home order was quiet but since then it seems like the same as always. I keep waiting for the lockdown extension to be announced. But they did say they’d review it in 3 weeks, which should be just when the Prime Minister is getting well again. If he makes it–out of the ICU but many accounts of people who’ve been through it talk about waves of relapses, of doing better and worse in intervals. News headlines also talking about people who thought they were well and truly over it getting ill again many weeks later. But scaremongering or real danger? It could be poor testing or incomplete info, or this virus could be like herpes or verrucas or something where you never really get over it, they just flare up at regular intervals and live dormant the rest of the time. I can hear a delivery person blipping packages outside. I heard a helicopter earlier (normal one, not military one) and now a plane–such banal sounds but all unusual now. Weather continues to be beautiful and sunny. Rain would help people stay off the streets. But though I still see a lot of exercisers (including sweaty and heavy breathing joggers exuding droplets everywhere) no swimmers which there normally would be on hot days like these flouting all the rules and signage, most of which has been blown to tatters by the wind. And the fishing tents have disappeared again, thank goodness. Perhaps last weekend was some kind of farewell party. Turner’s Old Star has been dobbed in for opening against lockdown orders–when I walked by last Sunday their sign said “We ask patrons not to enter if showing signs of illness”  not that they were totally shut–which is BS because it can live undetected for up to 14 days. So finally our local busybody blogger posted a photo and tagged in Tower Hamlets police. I expect that will put an end to that. I’ll walk by and see if they’ve updated the sign.

8 April 2020

Sat and watched the supermoon yesterday–it was so bright the streetlight by my balcony didn’t turn on. I normally don’t sit outside at night because of it (and it’s usually very noisy when it’s warm enough to sit outside.) But connecting with the big beautiful moon helped calm my shattered nerves from yesterday.

7 April 2020

I feel close to tears, I can’t concentrate, my writing isn’t up to scratch and people keep booking seemingly interminable prep calls into my diary. How will I ever write that other paper? And I am so TIRED of ‘feedback’. I don’t care anymore. Just getting dressed and showing up is barely all I can do. And I don’t have children or an underlying health condition or anything. Many others have more troubles than me–but I still feel completely bowled over. At least today. How can anyone want to be doing all this STUFF? Can’t we just stop? Made banana bread, sat in the sun looking at my tulips. Trying to be present and calm. But I just want to switch off the computer and sleep.

5 April 2020

Dreamed my work colleagues and I were sequestered together on a small farm for the duration of this thing. I got caught on the sofa as my workstation between two of them. Pointed out we had two farm buildings and perhaps some of us could move to the other house for more room. Then a very vivid dream about my bedroom on the farm: ground floor with a floor-to-ceiling window in one corner through which I spied the most beautiful black swan with iridescent feathers. Strange sex dream about the swan (isn’t there a Greek myth about Zeus turning into a swan?) Regret not getting an early walk in but nothing to do for it now. Busy day ahead if I want to finish all my planning, cooking, and plant potting before craft time. Torsten and the Interlocken folks hosted a sing along virtually on Friday. I couldn’t make it as it was 8 PM US time (1 AM over here!) but I loved seeing the recording. So special. I haven’t felt that close to camp in years. I miss it so.

4 April 2020

Rather morbid task of making my will before me. I hate to leave Mom and Dad without any guidance, particularly on electronic things. Weather looks beautiful–people will be out in droves. Very glad of the balcony to have outdoor space without worrying about those who are incapable of social distancing.

2 April 2020

Had a little cry at the 6 o’clock news which had a segment on people not being allowed to see one’s dying relatives, or even attend their funerals. I was overwhelmed with a sense of not wanting to die alone. But when I got on the phone with my parents they said they were talking about what they’d do if I got sick and I really need to make clear to them that they wouldn’t be allowed to see me. Plus they might not be able to fly home.